Wednesday, August 15, 2007


An outdoors specialty channel TV show was coming to town. There was some unusual geography outside of town, a lake and a waterfall. Also the area was pretty depressed economically and most local folks were looking for any extra source of cash.

A full page ad came out in the weekly newspaper saying they were looking for females to audition, young or old, no experience necessary, dress casual. A chance to be a TV star - every woman in town wanted to give that a shot. Madge thought she would show up, the worst they could do is say no. On the day of the auditions she squeezed into her tightest pair of jeans and tee shirt. She had to admit that she looked pretty good for a thirtysomething mother. Since it said young or old she brought her teenaged daughter along. Eva was such a hell raiser she couldn't leave her alone at home.

Madge had fun, hanging around and talking with the other women. She had a large pair of hooters and knew how to use them so she was surrounded by the crew. They hired 4 women for a canoe sequence and then they said they wanted some women and teens for a fight sequence. They called Madge and Eva up front and the assistant casting director asked Eva if she knew anything about fighting. Eva said sure and kicked him in the nuts. The poor guy doubled over, cupped his hands over his nuts and slowly sank to the floor with a stunned look on his face. Everybody in the place, except the assistant casting director was howling with laughter. His boss, the casting director heard the laughter and came over and asked what was so funny. Madge said that Eva, her daughter had kicked his assistant in the nuts. He said "What's so funny about that?" Madge told Eva to show him so Eva then kicked the casting director in the nuts. Now there were two guys on the floor, clutching their balls. Everybody else was still howling with laughter.

The production manager heard the laughter and came over. There were the two guys on the floor and Eva standing over them with her hands on her hips and her head back and laughing along with everybody else. Now it was the production manager's turn. He also asked what was so funny and Eva then kicked him in the nuts. He sank to the floor with a stunned look on his face and that brought down the house. People were laughing so hard they could barely stand up. A couple of women peed their pants.

The director, the person in charge, was working in a back office. He heard the uproar and came out of his office. Someone shouter "Here come Stu" and the crowd laughed even louder in anticipation. He looked at the three guys on the floor clutching their nuts and asked what was so funny. Eva looked up at him, smiled and said "This" as she kicked him in the nuts. People were now laughing so hard they were falling down.

Eventually things settled down and the four guys were helped up. They said that the auditions were over for today and they should come back tomorrow. As Madge and Eva left they walked by the four guys, still bent over and with stunned looks on their faces. Madge realized she hadn't auditioned so she said "I can fight too" as she swung both first in uppercuts between two guys legs, caught them square in the nuts and they collapsed. She then pivoted to her right and with lightning speed grabbed the other two by their balls, gave a cruel squeeze and they collapsed also. Madge and Eva looked at the four guys on the floor curled up and clutching their nuts, laughed and said they would see them tomorrow.